This has happened to me more times than I can count. Not just with my current boyfriend/partner. With most of those in my past, also. I think it's a assumption that most people make when they see a black man and a white man in a loving relationship. They automatically see my man, a black man, as the strong male in our partnership. They see me, a white man, as the weaker male, the passive one, the bitch.
In other words, as the "stronger" man, he's the man. Therefore, he's the "top." He's the one in our relationship who gets his. In a nutshell, he fucks me. There's no possible way he'd ever even entertain the notion of my cock entering his ass. No way in hell! That's the standard assumption made by men (and probably women) of both races.
Of course, they're thinking just the opposite about me. As the white partner, I'm the bottom. The "man-pussy" of our relationship. I give it up to please him and exist solely as his "boy toy." Again, this same judgment is from folks of all genders and races. As the black man, my man has the bigger dick (another stereotype entirely), therefore, I'm the "receiver" of his manhood.
Now, this isn't just the impression of complete strangers and straight people. Surprisingly, it's the same from the gay community and even some of our acquaintances. Apparently, basing our thinking on assumptions and stereotypes has no sexual orientation nor racial prejudice. It's equal all around.
Not that this line of thinking really bothers me. We already are judged because we are a biracial couple. What's one more stereotype? What does get under my naked skin is the fact that most men always approach my boyfriend for decisions first, without even acknowledging my presence. It's as though I have no thoughts to offer and automatically will follow his will. If he's not around, usually the message left with me is, "will, let him know and ask him to get back to me." Again, my opinion is of no consequence. And most of this comes from other gay couples.
Truth be told, my boyfriend and I constitute a partnership. Our decisions are shared equally between us. He rarely, if ever, makes a determination affecting us both without seeking my opinion. And I do the same. Yes, we have our disagreements and have to make concessions. What couple doesn't?
What's more, we are both a bottom bitch for each other. We "switch-it-up" or flip-flop for each other. Even though, personally, I prefer to be the one to get fucked, he also wants me to fuck him. This reality took some adjustment, mainly on my part, but we've managed to work it out thus far. And if he's too tired to give it to me like I want it, I can always mount him and ride from here to eternity. And the same goes for my man. Neither one of us are comfortable with any one set role sexually. I know from experience that's a part of what keeps our relationship exciting for us both.
The next time you see a biracial couple, think twice before you assume. Remember how the word is spelled, a-s-s-u-m-e. Things aren't always the way you imagine.
Respectfully,
Black Lover Naked
